BELOVED

Fair well within the hours I set aside
For your departure; dipping into my time if
Need be, but still leaving me enough to wonder.

On ship or shore or gangway planked between;
Unsure of whether coming or going or leaving
Would make up for the tide times I denied us:

More than twenty years, less than thirty, who’s counting?
Maybe the harbour master, but then he’s benefiting from
My indecision along with the fool who gained you.

And in all these years have you really been happy in
The company of second best, not that I was first, but
Compared to me he was less, and probably third or fourth.

So he sired with you a couple of scouts, and you moved
Out east, and he was probably more conventional than me,
But in reality that’s all, nothing we couldn’t have achieved.

I only wanted more, as I was filled with the dreadful unrest
Of youth and the conviction of the self deluded, but before
The reality could be consummated I left you to his pursuit;

You could have cast him swifter than I did you, if you felt the
Same, and told me how ridiculous I was; I didn’t need much
Convincing as I knew even before you how lost my cause.

But we don’t work like that do we, and we’ve spent our lives
Since at different angles to each other whilst being ruled
By similar values, whose lengths are still being contested.